| Re: I know I haven't been around... |
Subject: Re: I know I haven't been around... by bogus on 2009/1/23 15:36:44 my father died over 31 years ago. I lost a brother to brain cancer over 5 years ago. Sadly, I am used to loss... it sucks, but it is a part of life. At the same time, my dad and my brother died way too young. Dad was 55, brother was 52. My dad was a WWII veteran... about the only student in HS who could claim that trick! In 1953, he was stationed at Westover, Mass. He was a aircraft mechanic... working on a C133, he cut himself. The cut was not well cared for by the AF docs, and it became infected... which lead to blood poisoning... and kidney problems... The fact he made it to 1977 was something of a miracle... He had heart problems for the rest of his life. When he was diagnosed with kidney failure in the summer of 1977, he was also hit with a diagnosis of emphasima... the poor guy couldn't quit smoking. He died 10 Aug 1977. Massive stroke. As I understand it, he didn't feel a thing. My mom's health has always been pretty good, tho. Other than severe osteoartheritis, she is in pretty good shape. She is older, 82, but seemed to be doing quite well. The dementia has really shown itself in the last 90 days, tho. I have "watched" via phone the degredation. When my Vette died a couple weeks back, I was on the phone with her, so she knew about it. That was mid-afternoon for her. Later that evening, I am waiting for the flatbed, and I call to give her an update... I told her that I was waiting on the flatbed... her response? "Andrew is having problems with his car, too." Oh... not good... You see, I AM ANDREW. Who did she think she was talking to? It also gets worse as the day progresses; it's called the sunset effect. My brother was a classic example of that... his brain cancer was taking him away, one sense... one emotion at a time. In the morning hours, he was actually doing pretty good. As the day progressed, he just couldn't do it anymore. He died, peacefully, sometime after going to bed on 30 May 2003, in his sleep. I saw him last on Thursday, 29 May. The poor mans skull was so swollen from the tumours... when I saw him in state, the swelling was gone. That quick. I miss him, as I miss my dad, but I would not want them back if it meant all that pain and suffering. It's just not worth it. I started to worry about mom about 3 years ago... she had a fall in the spring of 2006. That summer, she had a deal with the neighbour lady to mow the lawn. The deal was simple - she would use the tractor and would mow both lawns. Real easy. The neighbour, who is a very sweet and caring person, isn't all that connected with proper care of equipment... of any kind. So it sat outside. When I was talking to mom, she asked if I had any ideas why the tractor wouldn't start... I was unsure, so the exchange: ME: "well, as long as it stays in the shed, gets used regularally, has fresh gas, it should be ok." MOM: "oh, it's been outside at the neighbours house." ME: "uh, why?" MOM: "I don't want her to have a key to the shed." ME: "hello? You are letting a $1000 tractor get ruined so as to protect $50 worth of shovels and flower pots?" MOM: <silence> I beleive the tractor was finally returned after the neighbour lady broke it. I never did find out what failed... but she would let the grass grow way too high and then would cut it way too low... not a good mix. I suspect she stalled/overheated it. That should have been the first red flag. Dementia, for the rest of the peanut gallery can be triggered by traumatic events. In mom's case, the passing of my brother and the fall - that fall in Mar 2006 had her laying on the laundry room floor for nearly 20 hours. I am about as sure as I can be she had a minor stroke or a series of TIA's. But she is too stubborn to get checked. Or even believe it was possible. That's my diatribe... If you have older parents/loved ones, watch for strange behaviour. Get their wealth into trust ASAP. It will protect it for them so the nursing home systems don't screw them out of their hard work and legacy. Get a good lawyer to set up the trust. I am sure you can find one who is knowledgeable in elder care. Do this with their knowledge, but also be willing to move without their support. My mom had a belligerant streak, and it kept us from moving. No more. She delayed way too long. I hope we can shelter some of her wealth in trust, but I am not holding my breath. It's not that she is loaded, but she is doing ok. I would hate to see it flush away... she worked way too hard to amass it. and was way too cranky whilst doing it. my advice.... please take heed. It won't be easy. But you must be firm and stand your ground. Get a united front established with your siblings, so they have no wiggle room. The siblings must work together on this for the common good. Trusts should be started when the parents reach their late 60s, early 70s. It will save a visit to probate and it sure will shelter the wealth from medical bills. |
