The title to Tommy's post triggered this in my mind....it's a dupe, but always funny to read:

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a

cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started…..
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My wife walked into the den & asked “Whats on the TV?”

I replied “Dust”.

And that’s how the fight started…..
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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And that’s how the fight started…..
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds..

I bought her a scale.

And that’s how the fight started…..
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I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.

So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’

And that’s when the fight started……
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’

‘No,’ she answered.

I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’

So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’

And that’s when the fight started….
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Bud Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95..

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that’s when the fight started……
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first.

‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’

He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’

‘Nah, she can order for herself.’

And that’s when the fight started……
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, had
some breakfast, and slipped quietly into the garage.

With intentions of starting it in the street, I clicked the Harley into neutral, punched the garage door remote, and proceeded out into a torrential downpour.

It was raining sideways since the wind was blowing 50 mph, so I backed her into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The
weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out riding in that?”

And that is when the fight started…
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A man and a woman were asleep at 3:00 am like two innocent babies. Suddenly, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “That must be my husband!”

So the man jumped out of the bed scared and jumped naked out the window. He landed in a thorn bush, and then ran to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”

The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’

And that’s when the fight started…
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And that’s how the fight started…..

Shamelessly stolen from The Bastard.

The other day, I had returned home a little early from a long day at work since the traffic was not an hour long drive that day. I had stopped at daycare to get the children on the way home and was trying to take care of them as best I could. For some reason the baby was overly fussy and the three-year old was whining about everything.

After about an hour the wife finally got home from work too. She came in complaining more than usual about the stress level at work and how bad all the other drivers were behaving – weaving in traffic, cutting her off to make left turns, that sort of thing. Anyways, at some point she mentioned she could “really use a stiff one.”

I was overjoyed, I exclaimed, “That is great honey. I am horny too!”

And that’s how the fight started…

embellished version

A guy woke up on a Sunday morning, prepared the kids breakfast and went out to the garage to work on his Corvette. Not long after, his wife woke up and found the children watching the Nickolodeon channel and peacefuly playing with their toys. The wife screamed at the husband, "I think you love that Corvette more than you love your own family". To that he replied, "Honey you know I love you all". He picked a long screwdriver and continued tinkering with the Corvette. The wife walked into the den & asked “Whats on the TV?

He replied “Dust”.


And that’s how the fight started

the wife was standing naked in front of the mirror looking at her breast. the husband asked her what are you doing. she replied what can i do to get bigger breast. he replied try rubbing them with toilet paper. she replied what makes you think that will work. he replied look at your butt. and thats how the fight started