Borrowed from a local newsletter.


Intaxification: Euphoria of getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.

Guiltar: A musical instrument whose strings are pulled by your mother.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when your running late.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very,very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Governmend: Trying to fix everything through politics.

Aracnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance you perform just after accidently walking through a spider web.

Fleezing: Running for your life in the cold.

Hipatitus: Terminal coolness

Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.


Feel free to add some of your own.

Lactomangulation - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun) - n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Pepperlonely...the piece of pepperoni left on the cardboard when you pick up a piece of pizza.

Aquadextrous - adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

Deodorend - n. The last 1/2 inch of stick deodorant that won't turn up out of the tube, and thus cannot be used without inducing lacerations.

Fetchplex (fech' pleks) - n. State of momentary confusion in a dog whose owner has faked throwing the ball and palmed it behind his back.

Pajangle (pah jan' gul) - n. Condition of waking up with your pajamas turned 180 degrees.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Pewtone (pyu tone') - n. (chemical symbol: Pu) A major atmospheric component of towns with paper mills.

Phonesia (fo nee' zhuh) - n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

Phosflink - v. To flick a bulb on and off when it burns out (as if, somehow, that will bring it back to life).

Pielibrium (pu lih' bree uhm) - n. The point at which the crust on a wedge of pie outweighs the filling and tips it over.

Prestofrigeration: The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.

Kernelkling (kur nuhl' kling) - n. The shell of a kernel in a bowl or bag of popcorn that seems spot-welded to the roof of one's mouth, and cannot be removed without the making of cat-like hissing noises in an attemp to lessen the suction of said kernel