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| CSS996 | Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Mega Guru
 
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Good Morning Gurus!
Sorry about yesterday. It was not a good day... My 9 year old son was suspended from school, so I had to stay home with him yesterday. He's a good kid, gets good grades, smart as anything... But he doesn't have much self-esteem. If that can be inherited, he got it from me. Anyway, one of his "friends" dared him to touch a girl's breast, and he did it. Oh man, I wanted to kill him, I can tell you that.... But he's still alive. We had several long chats about how wrong that was and why. So that is pretty much dealt with. But my wife is blaming his lack of self-esteem on me, and questioning my parenting skills. Nevermind that we're always getting compliments on how great our kids are. I guess she is responsible for that part. Meh... I better stop now. You guys don't need to hear all my bitchin'. Anyway, between that and some major frustrations at work, I just kinda want to walk away from my life, and start over. I'm sure it will pass. I have it pretty good, overall. Just frustrated right now. Hopefully ya'll are doing well. I could use some happy news, so if ya got any to spare... |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 14:13
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| bogus | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Grand Imperial Pooh-Bah
 
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I can speak from the lack of self esteem thing, too. I used to act out in stupid ways, too, as a way to boost it.
All it ever did was get me in trouble and start me on second guessing myself with everything I did. Way too much conflicting information. He is young and has most everything else sorted out. Before he gets tired of being hen-pecked for having one weakness, get him into some activity that will boost the self esteem part. May I suggest a martial art? They do wonders for that and will also teach discipline. The kid does not need a therapist. He needs guidance... Maybe a father son class or few? never know. |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 14:53
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The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw Education is the best tool to overcome irrational fear. - me |
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| Matatk | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Did you buy him a beer afterwards? Welcome to manhood, son. JK. I would have been pretty upset if the school called me about that. Sounds like your son might need some extra-curricular activities that he enjoys. I started doing martial arts at about age 12 and that helped me a lot. It's easy to say that he has low self-esteem, but all kids that age do, up through their teens. I feel it helps them to find something they enjoy and are good at. I just say martial arts because it helped me personally, gave me a ton of confidence and respect, and I never got in a fight after because I was taught discipline. Even if it's not martial arts, maybe baseball, soccer, some sort of sport to keep him going. I hope it all works out for you. Aside from that, gonna play with the vette a little and then it's back to work tonight  Hope everyone has a good day. Matthew |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 15:18
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| CSS996 | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Good advice guys! Well, not the part about buying him a beer...
 Although I'd rather he be suspended for grabbing a girl than a guy. I just feel horrible for that little girl though. And her parents, if she told them. I know how I would feel if my daughter told me a guy grabbed her. And it would involve firearms....Actually, we enrolled my son in a Tai Kwon Do class a few weeks ago. It is only a six week class, but we are going to have him continue when this one is done. He has not seen the benefits yet, but I'm sure it will happen. I bought him a dirt bike, but that really didn't go as well as I'd hoped. He really isn't a physical dude. I think that will change in time. He also has a drum set down in the basement. We each have one now, so I might take him down there and practice with him. I tried to enroll him in drumming lessons with a local dude, but I can't get ahold of him. Fingers crossed that the Tai Kwon Do helps him out. |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 16:54
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| DaleD | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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I don't know if my perspective is different because I'm older, or if I'm just an odd ball. I'll let you decide, but here goes:
I think you're over reacting a bit. Your boy is normal. At 9, breasts were the mystical, magical unknown. Now they're just magical! Anyway, he's young, he's learning, and experiencing impulses. It was wrong. He should be, and is being punished. Reacting too severly might make him wonder about his own impulses. It won't make him want to play for the other team, but it may lead to more confusion, and kids don't need that. As for the little girl, she will be fine. I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for her, a lot of embarrasment involved, but she will be fine. For her part, it won't be the last time someone characterized her by her breasts. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying we are humans, and we have hormones that over ride good sense. If my daughter was grabbed in school, I'd just want to know the situation was handled. No venom, no desire for retribution. We are humans, and as long as we have hormones, and desires, those lumps of flesh give a woman power they can use if they wish. I'm not saying it's right, or wrong, it just is, and it won't change, no matter how PC people want to be. Ok, end of my rant, the summary is, don't over react. Just react, and guide. It's innocent curiousity that pushed him over a line. |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 17:12
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Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". |
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| pianoguy | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Good idea to get your son interested in some activity that he can excel in. It's always been tough to be a kid in many regards, and must be even more so these days.
32nd anniversary today - it's cold and raining, so we'll probably order a pizza - LOL! |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 17:12
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1996 LT4 �Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.�- Jack Handey |
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| pianoguy | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Little boy: I've got a nickel! Little girl: I've got a QUARTER! Little boy: I've got a marble! Little girl: I've got TWO marbles! Little boy: (drops pants) I've got one of these! Little girl: (raises skirt) I've got one of THESE, and with just ONE of THESE I can get as many of THOSE as I want! |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 17:17
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1996 LT4 �Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.�- Jack Handey |
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| CSS996 | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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I've made up my mind... Do you want me to share? You're probably right though. If it had happened 20 years ago, it would not have been as big a deal. But the school took it VERY seriously, so that kinda put me in emergency mode. It is important that he knows he did something wrong, and my bet is he won't do it again. But if he does, then there will be some fecal matter on the rotary oscillator! I told him the feelings he was having were normal. I told him that his curiosity is normal. I told him that he can come to me with any questions, and no matter what he asks, he will not get in trouble for asking. I think everyone will be alright. Mostly I'm just pissed at my wife at this point. But things have been sketchy for awhile... This doesn't help. |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 18:02
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| bogus | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Grand Imperial Pooh-Bah
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I wonder if our new found paranoia is going to raise a generation afraid to express themselves, because they are so damned concerned they will get arrested or sued for it.
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 19:02
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The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw Education is the best tool to overcome irrational fear. - me |
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| DaleD | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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I agree, I think we are making some serious mistakes in raising our kids. I tried to raise my kids in much the same style as my parents raised me. I made my share of mistakes, but show me perfect parents. The key is, I love my kids and tried to do my best. And I didn't let the school, or the church, or my neighbors raise my kids, my wife and I did that. I'm of the strong opinion that boys, in particular, are being damaged in our system that severly punishes anything close to high spiritedness. The statistics for achievement and college admissions indicate boys are falling behind fast, very depressing. |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 19:11
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Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". |
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| TommyT-Bone | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Years ago I enrolled my son an a martial arts class to hopefully, teach him some disipline. One day I got a call from the principle. Some bigger kid was bullying him and punched him. He retaliated and bloodied the kids nose. Needless to say, he got a 3 day suspension. Apparrently his training was pretty good.
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 19:28
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| DaleD | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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In that case, I'd have half heartedly told my son that he shouldn't do that. Then I'd congratulate him for not allowing himself to be bullied. I'd also make it clear that if he were ever the aggressor, he'd have more trouble than he could get out of. Good for your son! |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 19:34
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Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". |
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| CSS996 | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Shoot, if somebody bullied my kid, and he knocked them out, I WOULD buy him a beer! And I'd tell him if he found himself in the same situation again to do the same damn thing.
A punch in the nose is certainly a much better choice than going to school with a high capacilty semi-automatic rifle and picking off half a dozen students! I love guns, by the way... But the above scenario is one of self-defense. My son copping a feel is different. I actually wish the girl would have knocked my son out. Would've served him right!  I don't care much for being overly PC, or being a nation of pansies. But I do think a fella needs to learn to respect other folks. Oh, and just so we're clear... I never put a hand to him, or even raised my voice. We just calmly talked it out. But he knew I was plenty pissed. It was educational for both of us. My daughter is 17, and has loads of self confidence. She has never given us much trouble. I think if somebody touched her inappropriately, they would be taken care of on the spot. By the time she got home to tell us about it, she would probably be over it. And then she would laugh about how the guy's teeth fell out. But this is our oldest son. My wife and I are in new territory. Apparently boys and girls are different. Go figure!  |
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 20:00
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| TommyT-Bone | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Kids are watched a lot closer today. When I was his age we had places to run off and hide so we could play the touchy feely game. Then you were much less likely to run up to an unsuspecting girl and cop a feel. We had a game back then that was a little more painful. Find an unsuspecting boy student standing in total disregard of his surroundings and clock him in the nuts. The paticipants all took a name from Garrisons Guerillas.
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Posted on: 2008/4/24 22:43
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| NC Kid | Re: Thursday Chat 04.24.08 | ||
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Elite Guru
 
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Damn, your sons cool. Your bitching is entertaining. Specially this post. I better stop while Im ahead.  I would like to add though, my mom blamed my dad a few times when I screwed up . I was thinking that they guided me but I make my choices so it is kind of odd when they say THEY made me into the fine young man I am. Why does he have low self esteem though. Good news: I got a credit for English and Psychology this semester. Yay two credits! |
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Posted on: 2008/4/25 0:09
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