someone sent me this and it made me laugh. And yes, I'm generally conservative on most issues, even though I generally ignore politics anymore, for the good of my blood pressure. Anyhow, enjoy.... or not.


Condensed World History

For those that don't know about history...... here is a condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity
into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group
hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting
evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines , and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America .. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history....... It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded
immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off....

I am guessing the likes of Rush Limbaugh wrote that tripe?

Pretty accurate, except I drink import beer and I'm no liberal....

Matthew

Let me be the first to tell you your full of crap. Everybody knows the first fermented beverage was spit liqour. Everyone sat around and spit into the bowl and added fermented fruit. Every once in awhile some smart ass would add a mushroom from the water buffalo field in and all hell would break loose at the cave. Then it was just" The Party". Later came all other political affiliations also claiming to be " The Party".

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Oh yeah, mushrooms. I remember them from the 70s.... barely.

Well shit, I'll be the liberal then. Lay around all day at home, complain about other people's work, and drink their beer.

What kind of idiot wants to work for a living?

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My sediments exactly.

AHA! I knew they were lying to me in high school, those darn liberal history teachers. Oh yeah, nothing like a good strong beer and a juicy steak. MMMMM. It's good to be a conservative.

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I don't like sediment in my beer. That's why I drink domestic.....