A break from the daily routine.

Matt sat
and shat
in a hat

in front of a cat
that was very fat
who covered his scat
and pissed on the hat
and said 'thanks for that'

Have to

"The boy who farted laughing gas, eschewed pretentious poses. He thought those who called him vulgar, had boogers up their noses." (Ralph Waldo Emerson;)

She had a fierce intelligence in her eyes which was not apparent in her behavior or speech. When you looked into those sparkling, bluish-grey orbs, you couldn't help get the impression that she had something clever to say. She did not.

And when she favored you with a smile, you got the reassuring feeling that she understood. She didn't. Not a clue. It was only much later you realized that her wry, knowing grin was something she unconsciously did when she was suppressing gas.

Oh, and her touch. The way she held your arm, or delicately draped a hand on your shoulder. That simple gesture made you feel loved, made you feel as if the two of you were connected on the most intimate level. Well, turns out, that was just her way of keeping her balance while wearing six inch stiletto heels.

And the worst part was you didn't care. The illusion was good enough. As long as she didn't talk, fart or fall on her ass, you were a happy man.

I'm workin' on a good one.

But I need to find some that rhymes with "Girl from Nantucket"

There once was a fellow from Reno
Who won lots of bucks playing Keno.
Then he sat on his ass
While sanding fiberglass,
DNBFS doesn't rhyme with Reno.


Best I can come up with right now.

Quote:

DNBFS doesn't rhyme with fiberglass either.

There once was a fellow from Reno
Who sanded fiberglass
Until he blew his brains out

Hummm, that doesn't rhyme either.

Tommy, Tommy bo Mommy Bonana fanna fo Fommy
Fee fy Toe Tommy

Everybody dance.

Quote:

It doesn't take much wit,
To DNBFS.
(Say it out loud)

tee bee
he be
talkin on a CB

marcus
carcass
he won't even hark us

brad
is mad
he knows that he's been had

andy's
handy at
eating up some candy

ken's
in the den
diddling with a pen

letty
get ready
time to go to beddy



to be con't

A Mugging

When my guard was down they attacked from behind
With a blow to the head - now I wake up to find
There's a sort of red mist in front of one eye
And my tongue's gone all rubbery and my mouth is so dry.

There's a part of my head that floats on its own
And a pain when I move that just makes me groan.
My stomach and its contents have ceased to be friends
And are now parting company via both ends.

I ought to get up but I'm frightened to try,
I just want to lie here and hope that I'll die.
I can't understand how I came to be caught
By those two nasty muggers - red wine and port.

Quote:



Ooohhhh!

A Quicky:

I can't get too far
With a coolant puddle under my purple car.

Red wine and port, there's also a white port
Quite tasty I've had a few snorts
Makes Letty ready for beddy
But only for sleep...

A helpful fellow Tommy T-Bone
Spent many long hours n the T-Phone
It went RING RING RING
He said "I hate this thing"
"Yes dear, yes Dear. God I need a clone"

The Imperial Grand Poobah Andy.
With tools became very handy.
But his Wife's red Corvette
Ain't near finished yet.
But he says "Someday it will be dandy."

This is my chair, my seat of power:
My presidency, ministry - ivory tower.
This is my chair whence I command;
Scream my orders, dictate - demand!
This is my chair from where I rule:
I am sovereign; you are fool.

This is my chair, in which I snooze,
Fantasise and swill my booze:
Pretend to be that which I’m not:
For what I am, is not a lot!

Ring, Ring, Ring
Ah, damn

Hahaha!!!!

I like to go cruisin
Spend some time snoozin
And chug down some NA beer
To work it only seems fair

To save us some money
I do things for my honey
Sometimes I need cash
Don't want a backlash

A radiator here
A fuel pump there
The Porsche was heavily paid
Now retired I fired the maid.


So do things I must
Don't want to go bust
Sitting around just aint my thing
So for now it'll be Ring, Ring, Ring.






I'm still gonna bitch about it though.

D is for dust, raised upward by sanding
N is for noise, ear-plugs notwithstanding
B is for blue streaks, cursed sitting or standing
F is for fumes, and fiberglass stranding
S is for someday, when there isn't so much friggin' work to do

Henry Gibson

Quote:

Should be Hoot Gibson - cause it is a hoot.

Here I sit

All broken hearted

Went to...................never mind.

Corvette Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and in the garage,

There wasn't a trace of a Ford or a Dodge.

The presents were wrapped and the lights were all lit,

So I figured I'd mess with the Vette for a bit.

I popped the release and I lifted the hood,

When a deep voice behind me said "looks pretty good."

Well, as you can imagine, I turned mighty quick,

And there, by the workbench, stood good ol Saint Nick!

We stood there a bit, not too sure what to say,

Then he said "don't suppose that you'd trade for my sleigh?

I said "no way, Santa" and started to grin,

"But if you've got the time we could go for a spin!"

His round little mouth, all tied up like a bow,

Turned into a smile and he said "hey! Let's go!!"

So as not to disturb all the neighbors' retreat,

We pushed the Vette quietly into the street,

Then, taking our places to drift down the hill,

I turned on the key and I let the clutch spill.

The sound that erupted took him by surprise,

But he liked it a lot, by the look in his eyes.

With Hoosier`s a' crying and side pipes aglow,

We headed on out where the hot rodders go.

And Santa's grin widened, approaching his ears,

With every up shift, as I went through the gears.

Then he yelled "can't recall when I've felt so alive!",

So I backed off the gas and said "you wanna drive?"



Ol Santa was stunned when I gave him the keys,

When he walked past the headlights he shook at the knees!

Then the big block exploded with side exhaust sound!

Santa let out the clutch and the tires shook the ground!



Power shift into second, again into third!

I sat there just watching, at loss for a word,

Then I heard him exclaim as we blasted from sight,

"Merry Christmas to all...........what a great night!!!"

The One I Loved Back Then

I stopped off at the quicksack for some beer and cigarettes
This old man took my money as he stared at my Corvette
He said, "I had one just like her son, a 1963"
Til' the man down at the bank took her from me

Oh she was that was hotter than a two dollar pistol
She was the fastest thing around
Long and lean, every young man's dream
She turned every head in town
She was built in from the handles, son, I'm glad that you walked in
She reminds me of the one I loved back then

Well I handed him my keys and said, "Here, take her for a spin"
The old man scratched his head, and then he looked at me and grinned
He said "Son, you just don't understand, it ain't the car I want
It's the brunette in your vette that turns me on"

I had one that was hotter than a two dollar pistol
She was the fastest thing around
Long and lean, every young man's dream
She turned every head in town
She was built in from the handles, son, I'm glad that you dropped in
She reminds me of the one I loved back then

Lord, she was hotter than a two dollar pistol
She was the fastest thing around
Long and lean, every young man's dream
She turned every head in town
She was built in from the handles, son, I'm glad that you dropped in
She reminds me of the one I loved back then
She reminds me of the one I loved back then




Written by Gentry, Gary Lee

Heavy Metal (Takin' a Ride)
(Don W. Felder)
© 1981 Fingers Music (ASCAP)

Fire it on up and let's cruise a while,
Leave your troubles far behind.

You can hedge your bet on a clean Corvette,
To get you there right on time.

Now if you're ready to dive into overdrive,
Baby the green lights are on.

It's like you're running your brain on some high
octane,
Every time she reaches fully blown.

Won't you take that ride ride ride ride on Heavy
Metal?
It's the only way that you can travel down that road.
Satisfied fied fied fied, on heavy metal,
Baby won't you ride, ride it until it explodes.


Heavy Metal


My oh my, how this lady can fly,
Once she starts rollin' beneath you.

You know you just can't lose,
The way she moves,
You wait for her to finally release you.

It's not a big surprise to feel your temperature
rise,
You've got a touch of redline fever.

'Cause there is just one cure that we know for sure,
You just become a heavy metal believer.

Won't you take that ride ride ride ride on heavy
metal?
It's the only way that you can travel down that road.
Satisfied fied fied fied, on heavy metal,
Baby won't you ride, ride it until it explodes.


Heavy Metal

Quote:

Which is why some drink red wine and port,

.

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This is my chair,there are many like it, but this one is mine.

My chair is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My chair, without me, is useless. Without my chair, I am useless...

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This is my rifle
This is my gun
This ones for fighting
This ones for fun

Quote:

The original DNBFS ??

No matter how much you shake and dance
The last drop falls down your pants

I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe...

Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.

I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.

All those... moments... will be lost in time, like tears... in... rain. Time... to die...

How about...

Hickery dickery clock

three mice ran up a clock

the clock struck one

and the other 2 escaped with minor injuries

Lyrics are like poetry put to music

Aqualung

Sitting on a park bench
Eying little girls with bad intent
Snot's running down his nose
Greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes, hey, Aqualung

Drying in the cold sun
Watching as the frilly panties run,
hey, Aqualung
Feeling like a dead duck
Spitting out pieces of his broken luck, oh, Aqualung

Sun streaking cold, an old man wandering lonely
Taking time, the only way he knows
Leg hurting bad as he bends to pick a dog end
He goes down to the bog and warms his feet

Feeling alone, the army's up the road
Salvation a la mode and a cup of tea
Aqualung, my friend, don't you start away uneasy
You poor old sod, you see it's only me

Do you still remember
December's foggy freeze
When the ice that clings on to your beard
It was screaming agony

Hey and you snatch your rattling last breaths
With deep-sea diver sounds
And the flowers bloom like
Madness in the spring

Sun streaking cold, an old man wandering lonely
Taking time, the only way he knows
Leg hurting bad as he bends to pick a dog end
He goes down to the bog and warms his feet

Feeling alone, the army's up the road
Salvation a la mode and a cup of tea
Aqualung my friend don't you start away uneasy
You poor old sod, you see it's only me

Aqualung my friend don't you start away uneasy
You poor old sod, you see it's only me

Sitting on a park bench
Eying up little girls with bad intent
Snots running down his nose
Greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes, hey Aqualung

Drying in the cold sun
Watching as the frilly panties run, hey Aqualung
Feeling like a dead duck
Spitting out pieces of his broken luck, hey Aqualung

Oh Aqualung



Ian Anderson

And this classic ......















.

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Quote:

Ah, young grasshopper
The Haiku

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Friends may come
And friends may go
And friends may peter out, you know
But we'll be friends through thick and thin
Peter out or peter in