Yyyyaaaawwwwnnnnn....
Wasn't planning on being up yet. Group wants to leave at 8:30, means I can sleep till 8 and still shower, put my hair up, make up on, brush teeth, pack and be ready. My roomie was up at 5:30 and STILL in the bathroom.... What in the name of heck does a man have to do in there that takes so long?????
Have a good Sunday

Morning guys (Letty)......I don't know about your roomy, it only takes me ten minutes, unlesss.....maybe you'd better not go in there for a while after he come out.

Not much planned for today. Watch a couple shows that I recorded, play with a computer or two.

I'll check back in later. Have a great time on your drive, Letty.

It takes me 10 minutes for me to do just one thing .......... Nevermind ........

Maybe I'll be back later to post after the cobwebs clear.

How about the end of last nights ballgame? (Sox/Cards)

Different rules in different ballparks. Not to my liking but that's the way it is. And apparently the umps got it right.

Do you fart in bed ? If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I’ll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…..”

Here's another one that one of my teaching colleagues sent me.

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..
· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
· I had no control over the drooling.
· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

Hahaahaahaah......those are good TBee....I needed a good laugh after yesterdays debacle up in Minn.....I think the whole State slept in today just to avoid reading the Sunday papers...and to avoid thinking about the crushing knowledge that the Huskers are not good at playing football....Lynch mobs have been reported around the State hanging the coaches in effigy from local goal posts....people are wearing ski masks to help hide their shame. Its a mess here....

Meanwhile in Minn I hear winter has successfully been repealed and the blind can now see......they are having a good day today and congrats to them....

Letty....the reasons it takes an older man so long in the bathroom are numerous. First it takes a long time to go to the bathroom to relieve oneself and then there are all the meds that need sorted through and taken and then the possibility of dozing off while on the throne is always possible.....we have issues so you must be patient....

Ok we are taking a fall tour in the GS today and I gotta get ready the weather is perfect....have an outstanding day Gurus.

Letty the trees in that pic yesterday were very nice....

Good Morning CGs!

Had a restful night last night as the kids were with grandma and grandpa. Wife and I went to the mall, got some ice cream, ate dinner at a new bar/restaurant and came home. Nice to be free for a bit.

Today I plan on getting in a workout, maybe stopping by the store, and this afternoon we are all going to the pumpkin patch. Should be fun.

I ordered a new part for the garage door opener yesterday. It's the sprocket that holds the chain on. I called my buddy who conveniently owns a garage door installation company and asked him. He told me that every single one breaks after 10 years (mine is 12 years old) and to replace the parts because it will last another 10 years. Good to hear. Bought the part on ebay for $28 shipped, which is cheaper than his cost...go figure. He said I can replace it in about 20-30 minutes, it's a relatively simple job.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Matthew

Quote:

You better check on him!

http://www.cbsnews.com/2300-204_162-10007679-7.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet-related_injuries_and_deaths

Quote:

Howdy! Gloomy and cloudy up here in the Great White North (no snow, thankfully). It would be nice if the Goofers' luck rubbed off on the Viqueens tonight, but that would probably be too much to ask. Should be a nice day of watching football with friends, eating like a pig, enjoying a few tasty beverages and talking smart. That was quite a dramatic finish to the baseball game last night, indeed.

Enjoy your Sunday, Gurus!

I just read that Lou Reed has passed away at the age of 71.

In tribute, here is my favorite Lou Reed song. From the movie White Nights - My Love is Chemical.

Lou Reed R.I.P.


And the colored girls go, do do-do, do-do, do-do. do, do.

Crap. I worked in the yard for a few hours and now I'm sleepy. Hope my second wind kicks in.

Watched my recorded shows and decided it was such a nice day, that I'd better get my pickup washed. So, I got it washed and waxed and then did the Caddy too. 4 1/2 hours of steady hard work.

Listening to the radio I also heard the news about Lou Reed.

Marcus, those trees are near Harrison, AR... we were all over the Ozarks... even by where Dogpatch USA used to be. The buildings and stuff are all still there. I'd like to go again by myself to stop and see all the things I wanted to, instead Bobby led the way and he drives like a bat out of hell. Of course it's fun that way.
I still don't know what my roomie was doing in the bathroom - I can SSS and be out of the house in 30.. not sure what was happening in there. We came home in rain but once I got home, don't look like it rained any here. And, the leaves here look nothing like it did there. The place we took that photo was at a Cemetery in Harrison. It's known for it's beautiful fall leaves and lots of folks go there to take pics. I took some year before last that were awesome. I take poses of each one's car when we go.
Here's three of me from that year, sorry they're small, screens shots from the cell phone...
this year there were some reds and purples and stuff. Very pretty. We also see the "Arkansas Grand Canyon" and stuff, couple rivers, etc... beautiful scenery. I took tons of pics this time since I wasn't driving. I'll go through them in a day or two.
Hope everyone had a good weekend..

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Looks great Letty and the trees ain't bad either....Man it is so nice here I wish I could bottle it up and save it for later......73 degrees here at quarter to 6....nice!

Had the GS out driving back roads looking for color and found some nice areas....drove slow with windows down mostly...just cruising...

TOOK THE '87 AND DARLING WIFE TO LOOK FOR COLOR ON THE COUNTRY ROADS UP THRU LOST CITY & PEGGS. NOT MUCH COLOR, TOO EARLY I GUESS. KEPT BOTTOMING OUT ON THE LOW WATER CROSSINGS. GOT TO GET THOSE SHOCKS REPLACED.
EVERY YEAR WE SAY WE'RE GOING ON THE TALAMENA TRAIL IN THE FALL TO SEE THE LEAVES BUT WE HAVE NOT GOT THERE YET. MAYBE THIS YEAR.

It's the seventh inning stretch. I called to my wife and asked for something I hadn't had for a snack tonight. I had already had an ice cream cone, a popsicle, some pecan Sandies, some chocolate and cashew turtles, and 3 pieces of Hershey's dark chocolate. What did she bring? Cracker Jack. How appropriate. Watching the World Series and snacking on Cracker Jack. God Bless America!

The game endings have been very interesting. Sox tie it up at 2. Once again it's anybody's game AND either team's series. Makes for some fun baseball.

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