Good morning CGs!

Well it's finally here. Friday. Not for you poor souls, but for me. And I am ready for the weekend. I plan on tinkering with the vette a little this weekend and the wifey and I are supposed to go out to dinner and a movie. That's the most important part! It's tough to get out and do the old stuff we used to do with Sammy around. Not complaining, just a fact of life. I don't want to be that guy who doesn't like his wife anymore after the kids come along.

What's new at work with everyone?

Hope everyone has a great day!

Matthew


THURSDAY JOKE OF THE DAY:

Farmer's Daughters

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''''I''m Eddie, I''m here to pick up Betty. We''re going for spaghetti, is she ready?''''

"No," the farmer said.

The second beau came to the door and said, ''''I''m Joe, I''m here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''''

"No."

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''''Hello, my name is Chuck.''''

The farmer shot Chuck.

Good Morning Gurus

Let me see... Nice weather again today. If its this nice tomorow I'm gonna drive the Vette to work. I don't trust these idiots around here though. I've seen three pile-ups in the past month right where I turn to go into work.

I finally installed my sunvisors last night. I sent them out last year for fixing and recoverin and the guy did an awesome job. I waited until the car was back on the road to install them. I'm looking for a good shop to look at and possibly rebuild my transmission. Its still a little slippy in second gear.

Here's my jokes below - enjoy


MY JOKES FOR THE DAY

Grandma's boyfriend

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she 's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted.

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I have 4 dogs, was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart, and was in the check out line. A women behind me asked me if I had a dog.

Well on impulse I told her no, I was starting a Purina diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time -- but that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that is was essentially a perfect diet, that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I had ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no it was because I had been sitting in the middle of the street licking my ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack because he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid lady, why else would I be buying dog food????

Friday for me as well! I am calling it a short day today. I think I will close up shop around 2. Hopefully I am going to install all my motorcycle goodies tomorrow. If that does happen I will get a video out. You wont be able to see a differance but I am hopeing to hear it.

Oh yeah, Good jokes today! I might have to come back latter and post one up.

I got another one for ya... My boss just sent it to me. LMFAO

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Involuntary Contractions

A professor at University of Montana was giving a
lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject,
the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
'Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with
the class

Har!

I was sicker than a dog yesterday - finally caught whatever cold/sinus thing has been going around, just delightful. Well enough to be vertical and in the office today, though the couch will no doubt be a welcome sight later.

Have a good day, all.

Good Morning Gurus!

Same Shit Different Day today.

I'm really jonesing for a motorcycle. I found this black and gold Honda Superhawk on Craigslist. I call them "Thunder Chickens" and this bike is screaming for a little '78 Trans-Am bird decal on it. Normally black and gold don't really do much for me, but this bike is talkin' to me. I wish I had the cash. Seems like a pretty good deal.


Thunder Chicken!

Ah well... Someday I'll have a bike again.


Have a super guru-iffic day!

Thats actually a very nice looking bike!! I am not a huge fan of the mean eye head light but it goes well with that model. So when are you picking it up :angel9:

Good morning! Thanks for the jokes - a great way to start the morning!

It's been blazing hot here, but it looks like we have a break in the weather and have some much needed morning cloudiness.

Word of the Day for Thursday, October 9, 2008
aficionado \uh-fish-ee-uh-NAH-doh\, noun:

An enthusiastic admirer; a fan.

Quote:

PAPPY WORD OF THE DAY:
Aficionado (a-fish-e-a-nado)

When ya dun gone fishin and ain't caught nuthin.

Matthew

PS - Good jokes today!

Quote:

A low mile one of those just sold on ebay for $4500. But usually with 20K miles they go for $3500 or so. I paid $4K but it had some nice work done to it.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBa ... 5869382&_trksid=p3907.m32

Hello,

Great day here, back up in the 70's

Family is taking me out later.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY :D

Happy BARFday, Brian! Make sure the wife blows out the candle tonight!

Kevin, that one looks real sharp. Lots of great pix to. Thanks for the link! The one I'm WISHING I could buy is under 6k miles. But ya know what? The ad says it's a '99. I was thinking they only made red and yellow that year. Both with black rims. Could be fishy...

Quote:

Black was available in 99 as far as I know, but I don't know about the gold wheels. It could also be a 2000, and he's just reading 99 from the manufacture date. Really a dirt cheap bike for what you get. They look much better IMO with the aftermarket chin fairing,

I doubt its a fake. Most scammers use newer models to scam people as there is more interest in those. Plus since your near it you can go look at it before buying.

Quote:

:bday2: :pizza: :occasion1:

CSS996
Re: Thunder Chicken would look great under you. All it needs is a nice unicorn horn.

OOOOOhhh!

Happy Birthday Brian!

Matthew

Quote:

Attach file:

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  bike unicorn.bmp (0.00 KB)

Happy Birthday Brian!

Worked my hiney off all day, now gotta go work on sanding that some summore

Ok, I'm tired of sanding and it's still Thursday so here's a couple of small jokes:

Redneck thought of the day:
Drinking light beer is like going down on your cousin. Sure it tastes great, but it ain't damn right!

A boy asks his mother "Mom, is having a penis bad?" The mother replies "No, son, why?" The boy says "Well, dad's in the bathroom sweatin' tryin to pull his off!"

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign
reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

You know something Brian... we have something in common beyond owning polo green C4s... we share a birthday.

Ain't that ironic? or something.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Bogus!

:occasion1: :occasion2: :occasion7:

Happy Birthday Bogus!

Cheers Andy!

Quote:

Happy birthday to both!!! So whats the combined age... :angel9:

did you know that after getting permabanned from CF, the birthday emails stop coming.

Happy Birthday as well Bogus!

and thanks to all!

Great jokes BTW

Quote:

Yeah, what he said! Happy Birthday Andy. I ordered you a stripper, too. He should be there around 8 pm.

Matthew

missed the stripper, damnit..

Thanks, gang!!!