The Redneck Oil Change Checklist

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

12. Clean up.

13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

14. Look for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.

29. Begin cussing fit.

30. Throw wrench.

31. Cuss and complain.

32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

33. Beer.

34. Beer.

35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

36. Beer.

37. Lower car from jack stands

38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands

39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

40. Test drive car

41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.

42. Car gets impounded.

43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.

Money Spent:

$50 parts

$12 beer

$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!

$1000 Bail

$200 Impound and towing fee

Total: $1337

I know that guy.

where is the woman portion?

went something like this:

How a woman changes oil

1. Its 3000-5000 miles since last change
2. drive to dealership or the like
3. Get oil cahnge while drinking coffee in waiting room
4. Drive away

Total cost

$75 oil change
$5 coffee

Total: $80

You got a problem with that?

I worked at a gas station a LONG time ago. The guy in charge was probably about 50, and a drunk. He had an old Ford Galaxy, with a 390 in it. He never changed the oil. The car would burn a quart every 1.5k - 2k miles. He just kept adding oil, figuring it was like changing the oil.

That's a redneck oil change.

That darn Ford was still running when I left the gas station.

Must be sh** beer if its that cheap....

Quote:

When you gonna ship us some good Oz beer? All we get is Fosters....

Quote:
Sorry mate, youll have to do with Fosters, i cant afford to send any these days!!

If youre ever here, Coopers sparkling ale is a good beer. A damn good beer. Too good a beer......

Been there done that!

I prefer this method

Quote:

that's thinkin with yer dipstick Jimmy!

Quote:

Hilarious.

Great tech tip Brian.